Guest Writer, Adam Avischious: "How does one move on from such a tragedy?"

In light of the recent Seattle Pacific University shooting, a friend at SPU has requested for me to post this article of his reaction to the tragedy.

Written by Adam Avischious

How does one move on from such tragedy? It is not an easy thing to fathom. A shooting at your school. But it was more than that. This is not just a school. It is a university, a college where people travel long distances to be here. To live here. This was not a shooting at a school but a shooting at a home. A place of residence. It is where I live, where I walk, where I am. It is more than a school, it is a home. To have this kind of act committed in your home… it’s just… indescribable. The feeling is one of brokenness.

I was in my room when I received the lockdown messages on my phone. I glanced quickly and saw “lockdown.” I assumed that it was something that was happening around campus, not on, but close enough to cause alarm. It wouldn’t be the first time. So I went back to my computer screen. Within two minutes I received a text from both my brother and girlfriend that came in together. “Okay, maybe something else is happening,” I thought as I closed what I was doing. I picked up my phone to read through ever thing when it started to ring. It was Anna. I don’t remember what exactly was said but one line: “There is a shooting”. I froze.

“What?” was my response. I fell onto the couch in my room and sat for a moment. I was still on the phone with Anna and we just sat. I probably only sat for a few seconds but it felt like longer. I went to my computer and looked for something. I found a live stream as well as several articles from different news stations. There were conflicting numbers and reports but one thing was for sure. There had been a shooting, and it wasn’t near campus or in the neighborhood. No, it was on campus. In a building where I have had classes. In an area that I have walked through, sat in, talked in, somewhere that I could see in my mind. Otto Miller Hall had a shooting occur in the lobby.

From then on it was just disbelief. The different reports had different number of people injured, number of shooters and that sort of thing. Eventually they all had the same story: four went to the hospital, and one shooter. As my floor mates and I sat in a room we watched all that was being released on TV and sat. We all called and texted family and friends, many of us hearing from people who we would generally not talk to or hear from. All worried and had heard the news. That it had happened here, at SPU, a school shooting.

The reports continued and eventually the lockdown was lifted when the situation was deemed safe. Then the reports changed. One of the people who was taken to the hospital in critical condition has passed away… 1 dead. No names given or mentioned (which I understand) but that didn’t matter. The air in the room I was in changed. My heart sank. A floor brother had just walked in and asked if I had heard the news. I said yes and we put our arms around each other’s shoulder and stood there watching the screen.

Later as I was sitting in my room Anna came in. She curled up next to me on the couch and we sat there. We didn’t talk other than the “hey” when she came in. We sat. We experienced sadness. Heartbreak. Worry. Fear. Humility. Gratitude. Sadness to be a part of it. Heartbreak hearing the devastating news. Worry of what to come next. Fear of what to do. Humility, how fragile everything really is. Gratitude, that the other was safe. The emotions I felt were almost overwhelming but I wasn’t going to cry. Not yet. As I had already done many times before, I prayed. I prayed that God would give us strength to carry on. I prayed that He would comfort us in our brokenness and be with us in our struggle. This is where the tears came. With wet eyes we looked around trying to figure out what to do next.

                So with the events that occurred I wondered. It is almost easy when I’m alone in my room to forget what happened. To almost be as if it didn’t happen. But then I stand up and walk into the hall. There is no forgetting then. It is a somber experience, seeing the pain on your friend’s faces, knowing their hurt. Events such as these are not so easily forgotten. I don’t think they should be. So for now I will mourn and lament with my fellow students. With my fellow family members of God as we see what great things He will create from our ashes.

Prayer circles and meetings are common and happen often. We are living in a place where this brokenness cuts deep and it is difficult to talk about. There is not much to say. What one person knows, most everybody knows. Where do you go from here? From this place of heartache? From this broken state? I continually pray for God’s strength and His comfort. But I do not think I can pray for peace just yet. As much pain as it is, and the amount of confusion that surrounds it, we, as an SPU community, will live into this pain. We shall live into this suffering for the time. We shall unite under the love and power of God and He will protect us. He shall transform us. He will be our banner and our light amidst this darkness and conflict. We shall lament these events and pray for wisdom and strength. We will pray that Christ is with us and will guide us. We will live into this suffering and we shall trust in the Lord’s plan and continue on.

I ask for prayers for myself, my friends, family, this community, and those affected by this tragedy. I ask that you appreciate what you have and those around you.